I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Non-Jews are for practice
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
