u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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