This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
