my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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