why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
