I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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