U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
