I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just want nice things and good sex
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
