Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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