got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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