So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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