somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
