Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
