I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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