no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
