what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
