I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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