He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
