i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
