Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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