i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
