I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
