but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
