PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
