im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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