It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
