The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
