I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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