i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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