You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
