I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
