I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
