I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
