Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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