I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
