i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Pooping to opera.
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