She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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