bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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