I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
