Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
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I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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