he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
