Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
