what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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