Your face is a jimmy john
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
