Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
