I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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