So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
