I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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