R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
