This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...