This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
