Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
