Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
