so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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