My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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