He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
