Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
