im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
